A poem about staying still

On this island, I am here.

Surrounded by glass shores and ebony waves.

I breathe the ash, smells fresh, and I am free.

The edges jagged bite whilst I in repose.

The winds, a storm, echo

My head--well-sought freedom.

I cannot let go.

I do not let go.

On this shoreline, I am here.

The volcanoes crash my leaden skin.

The coral creeps, flaying me wide, under hide and bone.

Strolling along with the long-dead battleships.

Quite a toll.

No one here.

No one hear.

In this ocean, I am here.

Plagued by love letters in bottles adrift

Survivors doing little now.

Now, they are ashore.

Seeing little, feeling little--blight the lot

Feeling hopeless

Neverthelesses

In Your arms, I am here

Sweet relief at last

From all that “happiness” I threw myself to.

It hurt too much to be called good.

None shall find me less.

Less shall never find me.

I am no longer here.

Bury me in you.

Fearless

I am afraid

I am afraid of never being together

Of always making plans

Of never following through

Of always bleeding money

Of never building time

I am afraid

I am afraid of getting lost

Of never being found

Of walking till no one is following

Of looking ahead and seeing

the armies marshalled against me

Of never ever finding

comfort in the company I keep

I am afraid

I am afraid of being the hero

Of being forced to play the villain

Because I am so, so good at it

So, so fucking good at it

Of wearing the mask that sears

the ties that cry, the binds that brook no breaking

And none can see the tears run down

The hollow, empty joy when I am beaten down

Because the scars are cheap, heroes come easy

But, I can take the bruises, I can take the hurt

Because for every superhero there is a villain left unheard

So bring on the pain, bring on the curses

I can take it if it means the other children don't

No more fear

Association experiment II

Fear. Far. Cry. Cripple. Crow. Cry.

Creep. Reap. Row. Row. Ruse.

Lose. Lock. Lie. Life.

Lies lacing love inside my mind

Babbling within others of my kind

Laughing at my innards in a coffin of my making

My Mother hangs the decorations

Of my anti-celebration

Inciting incidents left, right, and

Sent her away from me and mind

Hardly matters in the long

Haul away the engagement

Ring the wedding knells

Pack up the baby carriage

With all the wasted semen

Pissed it all away

To those who couldn’t care for me

I’m spending every dime I have to see

A broken, run down

Accident

Waiting to happen for me

Form experiment

Broken

Cannot see the rainbow, only the storm

The light shines down like

radiation on the peat black

harrowing that is my soul

As lime green skeletal

fingers claw through the

over ripe melon called my

flesh. I hear it

A crying, calling, cawing

that heralds the end

of a life too bewildered

When is a hug considered rape?

How is a handshake like murder?

How can biting the hand

that reached for you be wrong?

It belongs to the me.

I don't know him.

Here I sit at the end

of yet another apocalypse

and I have to say:

I'm unimpressed.

I expected a bit more

A bit more melodrama

A bit more flash

A bit more whimper

Instead all I got

was this crappy T-shirt

that reads like a tombstone:

Here Lies Fuck All...

So I chalk it up to bad luck that

I didn't stay dead this time

The classroom that is my parent's

house calls me home

home to another.

As the smoke

rises I breathe

the fragments of

deep charred

flesh. How

I have missed

the smell.

It's mine.

My skin flakes away becoming blackened ash

rising on the sighs of all the friends I never kept

and I can't help but wonder

Do I deserve so blessed a fate

My mother applauds: the sound breaks my bones

My father laughs: I flutter an instant more

My sister reaches: I throw my glass frame to the floor.

Thankfully I shatter

Someone is sweeping up the

pieces

I hope they know what to

do with it

It takes a special sort

of know how to jettison

something into space, but that

isn't the only void to drop me in

In a pinch, the

ocean does twice as well.

Shake me out over the deepest part

leave immediately,

don't look back,

save for the scenery

Let simmer for

thirty minutes.

Let the void chill and serve me

Black snow falls in summer

Black snow falls in summer

Alone in a field.

Sitting in snow.

A teacher waits for his pupils

That never come.

He finds them in the trees

Waving in the breeze.

Howling out answers to questions

He never asks.

The air is biting

The wind is bitter

The answers don’t last

And the time grows colder.

He raises but a finger

Hushed silence.

He lowers the finger

And the universe turns.

Poem scrawled on a napkin in a bar

A vacuous laugh in a vacuum

Still grates on the soul

Clueless clues left for paternal patrons----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------stepping stones for my abusers

Head hang for the hanged as the hanged’s head hangs

There I am

Over there

The one in the noose

Did you get here in time? I didn’t.

A Lornly Poem

A candle in the dark

that gives me more than light

A silent, screaming song

with howling, hounding hight

matriculating metred moss

along the longing lonely loam.

Apparent parents patting pates

and stroking strikes whilst strooking strokes.

A creaking crack spread out and back

An anniversary for me from me

Alone and never lonely long

From where does the sadness stem?

From where and how to tithe the tide?

Followed fast and followed faster

Creating crucifying shores

Cerulean shoals

Crafting crucial crucifixions for the certifiable vixens